Today is my birthday. I'm 27. That never seemed that old to me, but I get this gut-wrenching feeling every time I see another friend from high school put up a photo of their new, perfectly pregnant self. I think that I can barely handle my bank account, let alone be in charge of another human's life. Not that it would even be an option for me right now, but it seems to make sense, and seeing them so filled with life just because they made a baby, makes me wonder if I'm left out of some sort of biological, earthly secret to happiness.
So here I am, 27, and though I am generally happy with my life (I know I have a lot of good things going for me) I am more physically, emotionally and mentally exhausted and stressed out than I have ever been before. I have this fear of losing control, so I pack it up and hold everything together, because god forbid I stop trying so hard and it all falls apart.
I try to be a reliable friend. I try to be a good daughter. I try to be a caring girlfriend. I try to be a helpful roomate. I try to be a star employee. I try to be in control of my eating. I try to be a workout junkie. I try to be beautiful and pleasant and happy all the time, just in case I will need that protection one day. I'm just trying all over the place, and there just isn't enough room in my head for all the things I need to do. What am I doing it all for? When is all this trying going to end up fulfilling my life the way I promised myself it would?
I guess the one thing I CAN'T say is that I didn't try. Happy Birthday to me.
It always looks greener on the other side. I used to be notorious for looking at people and wishing I were them......then I'd find out that their lives weren't as great as I thought. Just like the family we met during the weekend. They looked like one big happy family, but then I found the mom crying and found out that they might be getting a divorce. I'm sure most people put on a happy face for show, but deep down I know that most of them struggle with many different things. Most people want to appear after high school, but just know that they are probably exadurating about everything.
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